Aryska's Journal

Bye 2011...Wello 2012!!!!!

2012-01-07T00:56:00.000-08:00

wow! time sure does flies eh? tick-a-tock..now it's 2012! gasp!

a load of things; sweet, bitter, sad, happy, sour, etcetc...had taken place n color 2011. some are memorable..while some...i which i could erase 'em from the history. but while i hate n wish i could do things differently...what's done has been done. let the past go, n use the negativity as a guidance to reach positivity. (whoaahhhhh....nicely done it ms. watie ahmad!!! now, if only YOU (me, myself n i) could remember it next time!)

professionally 2011 - endure a period of 'pokainess' when i quit my previous job, n was jobless for a couple of months. it was hard, since both of us decided to leave at the same time. we kinda finished what was left in our account - i would say we have a bit too much fun. came august, the situation was really pressing, but Sayang manage to brought us both past the current with his off-record jobs. i tried a few places, but no such luck at that time. luckily, i found a job in the nick of time, thanks to angah. thru his contact, i secure an interview, n, bullseye! now im working/serving at this 5-stars residential condo somewhere in the big city, which is quite demanding due to the work schedule. but...i kinda love it. sure..it took a whole lot of commitent to wake up at 6am on weekends...but...over time i kinda pass it...hehe. so far..the job has been good. lets see what 2012 n the dragon would bring me. more wealth perhaps? hahaha...

personally 2011 - it's still a trial year (just like the past 23 years....) i have yet to achive a point where i;d go AHAH! THIS IS IT!! i still have my usual issues with the usual people...but heck..thats life is about aight?? been on a few trips (far n near)...enjoying some lovely time with love one(s)...feeling a bit grown up some time...had a goal on some aspects of life...

romantically 2011 - still going strong with my one n only...sometimes i just want to strangle him, sometime i just want to cuddle up with him, n some other time i wished he'd give me some space to move n breathe on my own. but, love is love, i i put that above anything else. for as long as he do not physically hurt me, i still can mend the emotional ones...most of it anyways. so, mr.Dragon, pls shine more love, understanding, tolerance, trust, health n wealth on us. :)

family 2011 - owh come on....the usuals laaaahh...except this year being noticably upsetting sometime during june when dear daddy was hospitalised. that was THE saddest, shocking, frightening thing for me in 2011.

my hope(s) for 2012...may it be the better year. part of me is ready for a settlement (ahem! married life), just that the $$$ is not there yet.

so, i wish for a better health n wealth, prosperity n longevity, so i can plan n have my own fairytale wedding (read: simple, close-knit-only, no huhaah). i hope that my professional life would prosper, gimme more money...me n my family to grow closer that ever...close that old chapter n start a new one...n i do wish YOU to have the same prosperous 2012!

My Quiet Heart...Silently Screaming...pt.2

2011-10-29T23:56:00.000-07:00

today i woke up feeling pretty good, even it's waay too early in a Sunday morning. fast-forward 3 hours later, i'm drowning myself in anger, dissapointment, frustration, and slightly out of love. and just like always, the culprit behind my moods is forever oblivious to it all, acting like nothing happen, and thinking i'm just too childish and too woman-lish to act like this.

if only he say that 1 word, i'll be fine again. but nooooo....he's just....being himself!

yes, he bought me a bouquet of roses few days back, but if he thinks that THAT will keep me happy for the whole life, he thinks DEAD WRONG!!!!!

is it too much to ask? am i too much of high-maintenance kinda girl? materialistic? money & wealth-oriented? care so much for status & class? NO!!!

i just wanted him to treat me properly, like any decent n proper guy would. i'm not gonna ditch him just because he's technically jobless now. he's been making money in his own way, and i think i've supportive enough now. i don't nag him like the other people did, i don't complaint or question his situation or whatever. i don't even complaint when Mama 'talk' to me about him.

and just like any other time, i'm the one who give up in a fight. i'm the one who's mad, angry, hurt, sad - but i'm the one who said SORRY...

i've told u before Sayang to not hurt my heart like others do, but u never listen. u thought u had me, n i'll simply forgive u - forgive is not forget....

My Quiet Heart...Silently Screaming....

2011-10-29T23:34:00.000-07:00

i take this pill to make me thin

i dye my hair and cut my skin

i tried everything

to make them see me

but all they see is someone that's not me

here inside my quiet heart

you cannot hear

my cries for help

i tried everything

to make them see me

but everyone sees what i can't be

even when i'm walking on a wire

even when i set myself on fire

why do i always feels invisible

everyday i try to look my best

even though inside i'm such a mess

why do i always feels so invisible

invisible.......

My Good Ears....

2011-10-21T20:33:00.000-07:00

i love my new friends, i really do. but it's getting on my nerves now that they're not i in a good terms with each other. and the one stuck in the middle is ME!

all the girls: nana, kacang and shortie were on good terms before. but lately there seems to be some things or another everyday that will set them off against the other. maybe it's the stress, the tensions, but there's no need for the cold shoulder and sour faces. even worse- pretentiousness. they would come to me saying stuff about the other, and i've been like absorbing all this negative feelings and not knowing how to deal or settle the issues. it's not me, it's them.

i hate dramas, and i hate being in the center of it!!!!

c-c-ch-changes...

2011-10-15T22:24:00.000-07:00

new looks

transformation? changes? maturity? hormones? waking-up?

how do i look then....

My Life's Updates...or so it seems.....

2011-10-15T22:00:00.000-07:00

hullo... haven't been in here (for real) for like...eons ago. been carried-away with life being no.1 reason...and the fact that i have no immediate internet access (gasp! in this age??!!), and that i weren't so free anymore, so i couldn't simply go out and hang-out at starbucks with my lappy on :(. i've been kinda hiding away from the social life, no more single outings like i cherished before, and i think i've severed some ties with some people dear in my life. not that i like it, or want it to happen...but i have no choice... so, i'm so very dearly truly sorry.

a quickie recap of what i'd called an update:

1) i've quit my previous job in July;

2) i've been working my new job in Aug - a concierge at a high-end residential in the heart of KL;

: new look :| :

3) still going strong with my Panda;

4) some of my best gurls (n some guys - not so best) has either married, or engaged. latest case is Shu (engaged) and Asmah (married). Congratz!!!!

:shu - rather glowing @ her engagement day...:

5) now that it's nearing the end of 2011 (still got few months to go...), raya had passed...

: the 4/5 sisters :

6) got a wake-up call last june...when Daddy was hospitalised (wouldn't go there down that road again....) while i was vacationing in Genting with Acu.

7) gained another niece - M. Aira Dania Mazlan (forgot what the M stands for...and I gave that Dania name, as in short for Danial heheh).

Aira Dania

there are others, but i 'conviniently' forgot them now, so I'll post again. hopefully, soon.


: not that im full of meself...but i'd say that this pic is rather...different side of me...ne??

See ya next time! Ja!

taaadaaaaaa

2011-10-01T01:39:00.000-07:00

.................................................
back after such a long time...tho now i juz dunno what to write first...so much things had happened, too many of some things....will go again now hahah...be back soon i promise ;)

:::my 23rd bday:::

2010-04-16T21:56:00.000-07:00

my 23rd birthday surprise...

the cake.......

the mastermind of the surprise...

you now know who my panda is........... :))

:))

meet my panda :)

:::IloveU:::

2010 - so far.........

2010-03-17T22:15:00.001-07:00

i found a stray panda, and i adopted him :))

and the panda promised to buy me a bear.......

but i got flowers instead. not that i'm complaining...............

holidays - raya, engagement, birth and adoption, renovation, and those in between...

2009-09-27T23:57:00.000-07:00

hello....Selamat Hari Raya, Ampun Maaf Dipinta :)

so...back after a long break :):) got plenntyy of pictures to share...wheeeeee....

first off...

acik n didi, ready for journey back north...see mami at the back?

fight against time to finished the renovation...we managed what we can...

my daddy, still strong even at 70ish...

raya morning....finding the right angle for raya shots...

abah: tengok, sapa yang makan ayam semalam tinggal tulang kat situ....
b.cik: lepas ni makan dulu, baru raya...

but, early in the morn...
maryam qistina is welcomed to the world....

2nd raya.....
my fren getting engaged...dressed like she's gonna wed...

later..........
raya @ gurney hahahaha

some bowling on 4th day.....

errr...yea....showed some...skin hehehe

a tearful day, but for a better future....

mami, mama, n mummy...Maryam Qistina

aaaanddddd
let's partaaaaaayyyyyyy

WHEEEEEEEEEEEE

tiaxarys - my life - in review

2009-08-19T23:53:00.000-07:00

hi ya allzzzz!!!!!!

how life? good? bad? so-so?

mine was...ok. i guess. truthfully, a lot has passed my 'real-messed-up' mind since the last update. it's not all dark n freaky, there's some color also, but...still a tad gloomy. and for once after 3 years, i've been thinking hard about my life and future. i mean...REAL hard. i'm not gonna stay here forever...though i thought the day to make that changes are still far away. but i was wrong. again.

the current life i'm living - i can still call it good, even with all the flaws along the bumpy road. but come a few month...will it still stay the same??. last saturday i learnt of something that make me think of that. no. i am not staying here forever. i might have to leave here early, and even if im scared, i think im ready to spread my wings and fly away from this comfy nest. not helping either if the nest is rejecting me anyway...

but for now, m not thinking of that...not much anyway. right now i have a bigger concern, which i might have found a solution, tho it might lead to another concern. twisted much! but, since the current concern is affecting my relationship with my golf-balls...i've got no choice but to go with this way. another source of help is also dithcing me so.......my problem now is that if this; my only one way out - another failure. then......i'll lost all hope there is.

i might have mis-look, or simply ignorant...but a fren once pointed out that i put other's feelings n wellbeing first than mine. even at the unnecessary time. mostly that time. the result - yes, they are happy...but i am not, and usually the one with more trouble. i dunno how true is that, maybe a bit, if it comes to my golf-balls, but i belive i have a more selfish reason for that. but no need to tell here :)

speaking of frens...just now i was chatting with my bro-in-law...and i've realized (again, sadly) how alone i really am. yes, i have my family; my sisters and brother-in-laws, and their kids...but, spending time with ur sister during weekend or after work is not exactly healthy. means that im socially a loner. make sense?? i dun have frens here, where im staying now. not the type of fren that i can trust, even if a bit of a secret, or to talk to, to confide my feelings...nope. my school buddies are all away... yes, Farah, Kathy, and Su - sure i've hang out with them...but...not as much. Kathy is more like a lil sis (yes..i adopted her)...and Farah...there's this one thin wall between us...i dunno why o what...but yea...i'd like to be real frens with her, as well as with Eda, i really do. and Su. thats a complicated one.

Damien asked me how i spend my time. what to tell? 9-6 working, tho not exactly doing anything...then went home, straight into my room. if the kid is in a good mood, he'd let us watch our show..then i'd be out on the sofa...if not...who wanna watch cartoons for hours straight??!? (yeah HE does..not me, not the mother or even the older brother). weekend - saturday alternately off to work. if not, get some extra shut eye...if the babysitting job doesnt fall onto me...i wouldnt mind much if the kid would stop whining every 10 mins...and listen to orders. sometime...i need to escape that atmosphere. so...i'd go out to shopping malls...just for a walk. alone. pathetic much eh? that again show how fren-less i am :(

sighhhh......

disney tween kings and queens - send it on

2009-08-13T22:55:00.000-07:00

jobros, miley, demi and selena...

back-paddle-ing...

2009-08-13T21:36:00.000-07:00

the last entry must be scary to some people who know me...shud they be reading my blog. all i wanna say is...whatever it is that i wrote...it's all what i've been feeling, thinking...what've been plaguing me. to be honest, i am scared myself. who wont be when they discover that 'death by own doings'...doesnt scare them.

all that...are my deepest, darkest thoughts.

i spoke with a friend, how she herself almost die after consuming a dozen of sleeping pills a couple of years ago. that's because of love gone wrong. and another friend almost lost her bestfriend who decided 'death' is the easiest way out. and then...there's those crime drama on tv... all i wanna say is...my reaction and feedback towards what they are telling me.

it's funny how i can give them advice, chatised them for their stupid actions. because, though nobody knows, those stupid actions? - constantly on my mind. it's frighteningly scary how close i came to do half of what i thought. a few - done. though, again, NOBODY know. i was....careful..not to leave mark, or signs.

so many things...bitter, painful things..had happend in my 20+ years of living. i might only remember about 2/3 of it, but, strangely (or maybe not), what i remember most are the pain, the bitterness, the awkwardness, the tears and cries, the hatred, the broken, the helplessness, hopelessness......my childhood - i'd rather forget it.

yes, there might be many occasions that are worth of remembering and tresured...but, they's remind me of the unwanted memories before or after. the quarrels, the fights, the shouting, broken glasses, swears...my older sisters leaving home...attempt suicide (hey...does run in the family ehh..)...fights again...runaways...

and that two incidents/accidents...no one know, except God...and two other person. the 2 human tho only aware of the 1st incident. the most darkest of my childhood secrets. that - if it gets out - will put families into war. might not go as bad as it can be...but still...the intention of the perpetrator...betraying the trust of a small child, and her family...i remember wishing them dead when i'm old enough to know the world. and one of them almost did, and i'm not sorry at all, unlike my family. i smiled inside.

back to the main line...these thoughts has been harbouring my head since........forever. i dun know what 'refrained' me from doing it...fear of God maybe? it is a sin to take own's life, a bigger sin to end ownself's life. promises of hell. maybe i just dun want to hurt my parents...no matter how they 'accidentally' and/or 'unintentionally' hurt me. my siblings? they have other things in mind...a lost of a sister...not that important. my friends? - what friend? no one close enough for me to actually talk to. my laptop is probably my best confidante.

i really want these thoughts to end. thats why to distract myself...i do all those things others deemed as 'pointless', 'waste of time', 'unnecessary', 'stupid', etcetc...believe it or not, fanfiction-ing really is my theraphy...in a twisted way that is :). helps me channel out the 'plagues'. when i got some idea - it'll keep me occupied, in a good way. my boss is afraid that i'll be too distracted :|...i can think-maybe not so wise - but i know ok...

so ummm...i still do those poem/poetry/fanfic thingy...not that i'd share..most of them anyway...too...personal. as long as it help ME...i'm smiling.

to my Golf-Balls...who might found this blog from my FB or Twitter... You probably care, or doesnt, or i dunno what...just wanna say...sorry.

another day another heart drama...

2009-08-11T01:13:00.000-07:00

bitter awakening. frightening discovery. ruthless ignorance. silent utterance. painful dismissal. deafening awkwardness.

i need a breather..need to get this all out. i need some time alone...get all this sorted out. they say life is full of colors...i say life is plain grey. they say live with love...i say love hates me.

this ain't cool, it's downright stupid. so totally free, yet got chained up. memory served cold, shivering in bitterness. you are there, but am i invisible? they are here, looking right through me. grasping the lifeline, the line snapped loose. i'm walking down the way, the rest passing in the spot of blur. i am scared, that i will truly give up. when the life has no more meaning, if by all mean just to live a pointless life.

a frightening discovery, that my life have no value. sermons on life fell on deaf ears. my heart frozen in ice, locked. self-conscious keep me sane, at least for awhile more. shocking terror that i'm not afraid of ending it all. what i would do? i might not wanting to see tomorrow, for fear of another failure, another heartbreak.

this ain't cool, just plain stupid. my mind is messed-up, i'm sure of that. living separately, yet in the same existence, my mind, my soul, myself.

another day tomorrow? or so we'll see.......

too dark??

2009-08-02T21:51:00.000-07:00

seems like my blog is waaaaayy too black. do i need some color? red maybe?

hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

WaW - what a weekend!!!

2009-08-02T20:58:00.000-07:00

probably..not so wAw afterall......

well...hullo there readers..(if any hahah) how's ur weekend? had a good time somewhere doing something? if ya asked me, yea..i was at home, sleepin' hahahaha...not all the time though....

on saturday i decided, (or rather, my tummy decided) that stayin at home is the best idea ever. so i spent half of my saturday in my room, and bickering with my 4 yrs old nephew. after picking his older bro from school (yikey...saturday's class??? pheuwww), we went for lunch - Noodle Station! yummy.....

thats me..my sis and her kids...

waitin for da food to arrive.................

our drinks...L-R: Orange Lemonade, I Love U, Iced Lemon Tea, Au Natural...

My Orange Lemonade is very chilly, and masam as well...and Au Natural tasted like the fever/cough syrup for kids. Like seriously!!

my choice of lunch...Springy Noodle with Honey Chicken...in garlic souce...sedappppppp :)

personally, the noodle tasted like the instant ones...but, the garlic souce makes 'em tastes better :). its juzt...the chicken...tasted funny...like...duck :| arkkkk

one of the desserts, choc ice-cream. i like hehehe...

this is hezri's set...forgot the name. quite ok. his is in soy souce.

and earlier on friday...went to a deco shop...and was shocked silly by this fake fella...

ugly duckling indeed....

aaaaaanddddd...........later that nite...follwed bro n sis to a local concert. Search di Awan Biru (?). now...in all my 22 years of living...i've been to exactly 2 concerts, Gwen's and this one. akademi fantasia doesnt count, as well as new year's celebration concert. and to my (pleased amusement?), last saturday's event was a happening one, for a local act. but, maybe SEARCH themselves are the reasons.

lets start at the beginning....

we left for the concert somewhere around 1830pm...and went chasin tails as we're lost, misguided, and traffic jams. almost giving up hope i might say. after we did found the right place, it's freakin jammed, which told me that this is one happenin concert. we parked, and to my horror...it's still a loooooooooooong way to walk. seriously. and my bladder chose that moment to torture me. luckily, my sis also had the urge for a relieve hahaha.

both sisters went 'pinjam' the KLGCC restroom, and the bro went up ahead. WE'RE STILL TICKET-LESS!!!!!...after that, some more walk...and the crowd gets thicker...and the checkpoints...the horse smells...the long walk again....and finally, the arena. but, then again, bro warned us that rockers usually delayed thier shows...hurmmmmm....

yelling...shouting....lalalallalala...abt 2130 the uncles make apperences...started belting 2 songs before ZAP! the power's out. i'm torn between swearing like the guys all around me...or laugh silly... i opted for keeping quiet instead. or maybe i did all three haha hmmmmm...

but, thankfully, the tech got whatever the problem repaired, and the show goes on.......... out of the many song played, i only familiar with 'Isabella'. the only one i sang along. other than that, Uncle Amy sure has many backup singers in the crowd...

hungry, tired nad sleepy. thats me that nite. and broke. fin concert, too tired to do anything else. went home, dead on feet, sleep until well in da afternoon next day.

hahahahahahhahahha

not a good cap, but it'll do...

MTV World Stage - Live in Malaysia 15th August

2009-07-30T20:17:00.000-07:00

i am prompted to post on this after one of my twitter buddy won the tixs to MTV World Stage...

'Come August 15th, 2009 – MTV World Stage will make its debut in Malaysia; an unprecedented 1st in Asia! Kick-starting MTV’s Global circuit of specially produced music events! Sunway Lagoon Resort Surf Beach, will be the chosen destination for MTV World Stage Live In Malaysia. Witness the world’s largest man-made Surf Beach drained completely dry to welcome 15,000 of Asia’s finest partygoers! '

among the line-ups are:

All American Rejects!!!!!

tyson will lead rejects to a rockin' parrtayyyyyyy!!!!!

Hoobastank

it's been awhile since the last i've heard of these guys...

Pixie Lott:

hailed as the next big thing. she's a bit like gwen duncha think? 'mama do' simply rocked!!!

now...i've joined the online contest, and crossing my fingers that i'd win, but my luck usually sux to the max, so not keeping much hope. coming what may...lets just rox hard yeahhh!!!!

p/s: lady luck do visit me pretty pleaseeeeeeeeeee

:::no idea:::

2009-07-27T20:48:00.000-07:00

no reason. no idea. sajerrrrrr :D

one of the wallpaper i created for meselff...

today in review...

2009-07-25T09:14:00.000-07:00

today in review.........

wanna review 'today' only or the 'whole week'???....

by week...right cant remember anything vital. it is 12 past midnite. haha. real sleepy but cant sleep. it's freaking scary that i still have sleep problem. thought cured already, but...hurmmmmm.....

last nite couldn't sleep well. and today got our 4th fitness workshop. quite successful if i might say. better sponsors. good response from the public. but yea...tiring as hell coz the mix of my own tireness and handling the event. but overall...it's great.

after that me, damien and kevin went for free lunch at a wedding haha...followed by some ice-cream treats. loverly ;)

later, got damien to sent me to damansara, to meet my sister. spent quite an hour waiting for them haha...well spent tho ;)

had some dinner; chicchop for me. tasty ;) we're all wondering why the road-side place got soooooo many customers. seriously. too bad didnt take pictures to post here.

i'm freaking sleepy i cant even type right lol. till next time.

tatta!

-hati ini masih sayang-

2009-07-23T21:06:00.000-07:00

bertemu, jatuh hati, bercinta
dengup hati ini menyayangimu
indah hari ibarat mimpi
sengketa melanda tanpa diduga
merubah segala
cinta binasa, janji dilupa
kata indah hanya sejarah
ternoktah cerita dua hati bercinta
pasrah kaki melangkah
kenangan berlalu dibawa bayu
namun hati masih padamu

ingin ku lari dari sejarah
cerita silam memori duka
namun tiada upaya
hati ini masih sayang
datang ganti cuba mendekati
tiada mampu menandingi
aku rela sendiri
bertemankan mimpi dulu
mengharap satu yang ku lepas pergi
aku sesali

bolehkah kasih kembali
cinta datang lagi
sedang hati ini masih menyayangi
dia yang sudah pergi

-ilham tercipta-arys-240709-

-chained-

2009-07-22T23:38:00.000-07:00

Need to go forward,

But the chain is biding me to the past.

The current is flowing,

I have to push harder,

Pull myself together, fight.

Invisible hands pushing and pulling,

I am torn, I am lost.

No sense anymore,

I need the chain unlocked,

But the key is gone.

I tried to reach for help,

The chain is holding my hands down.

I tried to call for help,

Nothing comes out.

Fall to my knees

Did I lose the battle?

This is my life,

Yet, I have no control over it;

I’m a mere puppet,

Mocked, manipulated, weak.

The darkness is closing in,

The ghosts of past are catching up,

The chains are heavier,

Pulling tighter, choking me;

I’m suffocating.

The dungeon of hell

The emptiness, loneliness,

Scaring, mocking, threatening

Will it ever ends?

Fear causing tears,

Succumbed to the force,

Give up.

Come someone to rescue me

Will there be light

Guiding me out of this prison

Breaking the shackles

Will I ever be free?...

-created on july 23rd, 09-aryska-

-korean girlband - Wonder Girls- Nobody-

2009-07-22T21:30:00.000-07:00

WONDER GIRLS – NOBODY
credits to yesayoke

You Know I still Love You Baby. And it will never change.

I want nobody nobody but you
I want nobody nobody but you.
nan dareun sarameun shirheo niga animyeon shirheo
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody

nan shirheunde wae nal mireonaeryeogo hani jaggu naemareul deutji anhgo
wae ireohke dareun namja-ege nal bonaeryeo hani eoddeohke ireoni

nal wihae geureohdan geu mal neon bujokhadaneun geu mal
ijen geumanhae neon nareul aljanha wae weonhajido anhneungeol gangyohae

I want nobody nobody but you
I want nobody nobody but you.
nan dareun sarameun shirheo niga animyeon shirheo
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody

nan joheunde nan haengbokhande neoman isseumyeon dwae deo baralge eobtneunde
nugul mannaseo haengbokharan geoya nan neol ddeonaseo haengbokhal su eobseo

nal wihae geureohdan geu mal neon bujokhadaneun geu mal
mari an dwoeneun marigan geol wae molla niga eobshi eoddeohge haengbokhae

I want nobody nobody but you
I want nobody nobody but you.
nan dareun sarameun shirheo niga animyeon shirheo
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody

I don’t want nobody body. I don’t want nobody body.
naneun jeongmal niga animyeon niga animyeon shilhdan maryeo-ahhh

I want nobody nobody but you
I want nobody nobody but you.
nan dareun sarameun shirheo niga animyeon shirheo
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody

(rap)
Back to the days when we were so young and wild and free
modeunge neomuna ggumman gateodeon geuddaero doragago shipeunde
wae jaggu nareul mireo naeryeohae
Why do you push me away. I don’t want nobody nobody
Nobody nobody but you.

TRANSLATION
credits to: ndhas

You know I still love you baby
And it will never change

Chorus
I want nobody, nobody but you
I want nobody, nobody but you
I don’t want anyone else
I can’t have anyone but you
I want nobody nobody, nobody nobody

Why are you trying to push me away? I hate it.
You ignore what I am saying
Why are you trying to send me to other guys?
Why are you doing this?

Saying that this is for my own good
Saying that you are just not enough
Stop it right now, you know me well enough
Why are you forcing what you know I don’t want?

Chorus x2

I’m satisfied, I’m happy
If I have you I don’t want for anything else
Who do you want me to meet and be happy with?
I can’t be happy away from your side

Saying that this is for my own good
Saying that you are just not enough
Why can’t you understand that it makes no sense?
How can I be happy without you?

Chorus x2

I don’t want nobody, body body
I don’t want nobody, body body
Really, if it is not you
I hate it!

Chorus x2

Back to the days
When we were so young
And wild and free
Everything was just like a dream
I want to go back to those times
Why do you keep on pushing me away?
Why do you push me away?
I don’t want nobody, nobody
Nobody nobody but you

taken from - here

...the many faces of arys...

2009-07-22T19:59:00.000-07:00

i am prompted to post this haha...the many faces of me wheeeeeeeeee......dunno where to find my kidster's days pictures tho...would love to post the big differences hahaha. mismatched in everyway possible.

sooo...this 3 was taken this year...maybe not much of a differental (this word exist???) but, for me there is ;)

this was a few months back...

the 'student' look haha...one thing about me dressing for work; i love the jeans+shirt+sneakers look. then, with the lappy/sling bag, no wonder peeps keep mistaking me for a student. not that i mind haha. can use a disguise sometimes ;)

this one was when i was sick..just hours before me and my friend got up to genting, and worsened the fever hahhaa...

this is my usual look...with cap and all...used to get mistaken as a boy a few years back. now the clothes are...slimmer...so the 'assets' are more...prominent. ROTFL. another form of disguise.

this is possibly the current fav pic of myself...

...ummm....no comment. haha. this is obviously edited peeps. just taken last weekend.

tatta!

2009-07-20T00:48:00.000-07:00

this is self-admittedly cute...rotfl *deadpanned* soooooo not like me....thanks to the e-makeup that 'fixed' my otherwise ugly pic

and now.......

hello fellow earthlingsssss......

whoahh...it has been a long time since the last post eyhh...haha. well, been 'busy' with other...important things. all that, and super-stressed. and then there's this unexplainable tummy-ache i'm having, usual life issues, and what-nots...i'll go one by one...not in chronicle order ;)

now...to start it all...the major headache- work related.
last week was possibly the worst in months. we had some tech glitch due to those peeps at our server provider, whom, without prior notice- migrate our whole system to a new server. total shuxx. becoz of that, the whole system down, angry customers hot on our asses, but there's nothing much we can do, except bitch back to them (actually i did that haha...sorry miss.mister whatever). my boss was mad, so i'm mad as well, and the customers? watdaya guess??? coz of that, i had to cancel my app with the doc, go to work (after got calls from the clients AND my boss early in the morn...)

headache. stress. fatigue. pissed off. every colorful words i can think off.

needles to say...im pissed. we're pissed. even until now, still having some problem after another. the funny thing is, we've been ith them for quite a time now. everything was fine and dandy before. and reading the response from the comp's boss...hahahaha..nice ayat he got there.

but then....same as mine to them... *deadpanned*

flashback a couple of weeks.............

i took the weekends off last 2 weeks..planning to go back hometown..but....due to some stupid tech error (not work related)...i had to cancelled. phuxx!! spent the 'cuti' at home (kl) in bed hahaha. my bro-in-law's sis dropped by for a visit, ant that's about it that week.

owh...and my nephews bdayss...3 of them, brothers, Along(21st) Fan-Fan(28th) and lil Airil (30th)

acik with didi, airil and naufal...the 3 nottiessssssss

got a cake and party masks...too bad Along was at school..................(Along is my fav...he's the 1st thats why haha)

-last wednesday went out with my friends, Farah and Eda...had a good time. would be better if we can go watch movie or something, but the other 2 have other app, so.......

and..speaking of friends...MIZAH, one of my geng back in highschool, came down to KL last sat.

she's one of my 'tamparan watie' victim back in school hahah...missed da gud ol' dayssss.......

it was great to see my old 'league' again...after they keep complaining that i never meet them nowadays...haha. catchup on the latest gossips (i'm kinda outta loop since im working in KL, ya know...), n to my horror(?) a lot of my 'friends' is married/engaged/with kids. i mean...we're 22!!! with kids??? where's the party of single-tonsssss???? yikes!!!!!!!!

and then, there's this tummy-ache...really dunno why...my other sis said it's gastric..other said PMS-thingy...but i know its not both...

HARRY POTTER!!!!!!!
owh. faints. get up. SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
*nuff said*

so...thats it for now...gonna go back to da source of stress........ :( :|

zSHARE - Black Eyed Peas - I Gotta Feeling _Radio Rip_.mp3

2009-06-30T21:48:00.001-07:00

zSHARE - Black Eyed Peas - I Gotta Feeling _Radio Rip_.mp3

Shared via AddThis

Over the weekend...

2009-06-29T01:49:00.000-07:00

choc me lurve...

i was cleaning my room when i found this lil fella under the beddie :) ... was my sis's...now he's mine. welcome to the family lil buddy hahah

but, before that...went out for dinner. later went to putrajaya. here're a few snappies :)

the mosque...

it's more beautiful at night. probably because we dun squint (sun) at night lol...

ahhh....aint it lovely....

a nite's view....

Life, Death, In Between...Live and Living

2009-06-28T19:15:00.000-07:00

Hello Yello...

Shocking news of unexpected death(s), and the most ancitipated movie released...

RIP MJ...you left a legacy behind...

Last Friday, the world was shocked to learn the news of 'King of Pop', Micheal Jackson's death. at first, i thought it was a joke ya know...someone playing prank or something. but then, every body was buzzing with the news. so, it's the truth. i might not be a fan of him, but, i respected his music to an extend. he might be a bit bizzarre or weird, but that's his personality; that whats make him unique. owhh...and dont forget the moonwalk. i used to hate that moves ya know... i was listening to the radio when a fan of his called in and then began sobbing on how much micheal means to her...so on and forth...and then there's facebook, twitter, and other online sites that people can go and say things similar to the fan. his greatness in music aside, he also had his own down time. remember the case with lil kids? the baby-dangling thingy? etcetc...

what i would like to wait and see is)
1) what would happen to his 3 children
2) the comeback tour - what now?

another celebrity death; farrah fawcett. or better known as Angel Jill from that original Charlie's Angels. she died due to anal cancer, at the age of 62 (correct me if im wrong here). i managed to catched a glimpse of her long-time partner, Ryan O'Neal's interview on e!, and that part i watched was very touching. i felt for his loss. *she is now with the real angel. i quote someone's there...

RIP M.J and Angel Jill.

Transformers 2: Revenge of The Fallen (cue sreaming fans from all over the world...)

gee...dunno which's hotter...the gal, the bots, the war-zone...or the bank account of the maker(s)...ka-ching ka-ching

lookit here...i am NOT a fan of transformers...but all around me, left, right, front, behind...EVERYONE were talking about this particular movie. even my lil nephews. everybody wants to go watch the movie. without knowing it, i already get sucked into the hype. darn!

now, if onlyt i could get my hands on the tix............

yikes.

chiao. tatta.

So What????

2009-06-19T01:44:00.000-07:00

hello yello...

..................see...just now got so many things i wanna say...(or rather...type hehe)...now all gone already. darn.

oookaaayy...so we start anew yea...1stly...i'm still having this darn flu thingy, and it's annoying the heck outta me coz stuffed nose is second b!tch to sore throat (in my dic that is :)). that, and it's like i had a toad in my throat, (and i'm not quoting nick jonas in the jonas), my voice is that ****. not sexy. no.

the one factor that could be the reason my cold is yet to cure...see the haze???.......

aaaaaanddd...this week also see the new guy started work with the other company. and he is yet to get into my 'fav peeps' list. there's something about him that ticked my off. yikes.

aaaaanddd today i was supposed to follow my boss to an event, but seems like cancelled already coz the organizer got not enough seats. talking about sponsorship hah! but then again...it's not like i really wanna go there or something...it's juz that it's been a long time since the last event i got in, and it's boooooring here. might as well go somewhere else if boss say cannot follow huuuu T_T

personal front (as if the above is not personal enuf duhh) - i seriously have memory-storage problem...my short-term memory is like freaking problematic, i cant even remember what i wear last yesterday backwards. and i'm a bit more crazier about JoBros that i would like to admit. i mean...i'm like *squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....nicky, joey...kevin-y....* and that's freaking freaky coz i can still remember how i loathed them back then...just like what i reacted towards miley/hannah, taylor...back then..(a few months ago). i dunno when, or where, or how...these peeps sneaked into my 'fav fam peeps i cannot reach' list.

the i-admit talented brothers...

and the up-and-coming-if-not-already queens of movies and music...

and i'm a bit crazy about glambert and krissy too. yikes!

and then there're adam and kris...and no boundaries...hmmm

music - sooo many i cant really choose a fav...maybe krissy, archie, JOBros, enrique ('takin back my love' is soooo great)

that said...im gonna go for now...chious...

genting

2009-06-14T23:48:00.000-07:00

get-away to genting while having a fever/flu

i miss my mommy and daddy...

2009-06-09T21:55:00.000-07:00

wellowa...

blogging is a new way of therapy...for me :)

i miss my mom and dad..as well as my big bro T_T...wanna go back there but work schedule is keeping me on leash...darn!!! my lil sis just got here last night after a 3-day vacation with my other sis. didnt take a gud look at her this mornin, or last night, but if my older sis's face is like what she looked this morn...a bad sunburn-ed lol. my bro managed to get water on/in his 2 fon, (one of them is MINE btw). i have 3 now, including the one i was planning on giving him...but, now im having doubts. he already showered my 1 fon, the next one??? contrary to popular believes...i am POSSESSIVE OF MY PROPERTY. even towards those lil kiddies...

but..i'm getting strayed here..........

anyway...i miss my mom n dad sooo much...been thinking of them more than usual this last few days. everytime i call, the bro was always not at home. home fon broke. now they said i never call T_T wuuuuuuuuuuuuu

one big silly smile that makes the day brighter

2009-06-08T19:43:00.000-07:00

i really should exercise lol...got heavy bottom...but...i'm okay with how i look now that a year ago...so should be fine right?

growing up, i was always more boyish than girlish...that's why i was a bit stumped when my ex asked me out...and later became a couple. guess the boyish side never leave me huh...i love my cap. and until now, when i have my cap on, and wear those baggy, boyish clothes, some people still see me as a boy lol. got 1 incident in a bus ride where a father forbid his teen girl from sitting next to me, and he took the seat instead. and another in a train ride where a lady was determining where to sit; next to me or the other guy. she thought both of us are guys..(i mean, he is, but i'm not :/) she finally sit next to the guy, and i was smiling like silly, take off the cap, smoothes my jacket a bit, and she's like...O_O..a girl...lol. i wish i had snap the pic for both incident as prove.

i am not sexy by nature...or by choice. i never feel sexy. to me sexy comes from within. you can wear all cover-up, and still look sexy. inner sexiness is all that matters. at least to me :)

the point of all this? i'm not even sure myself hahahaha...jsut got plenty of spare time...

till next time...back to work.

Tatta!!

between fatigue-ness, troublesome-ness and home alone-ness...

2009-06-07T19:18:00.000-07:00

heyya'll...

whoahh...such a long time no new update eyhhh...been super...occupied this last few millennia haha...all work-front. aside from that, i've been 'milked' to the last drop of energy, that left me sooooo damn tired. and guess what.....i'm re-living the home alone movie (no bad guys, just naughty kid alone at home :)). to recap it all;...

T_T - got some tech glitch starting from the system somehow terminated my company's client's websites...so have to rushed the tech to restore everything back, and while the other has been successfully restored, still got 1 that have problem, and i dunno how to settle that. then, got server problem for about 2 day which really is a bit#h coz i cant do anything. no email, no new regs, no checkings, nada. that, and several other minors that if added up, real suxx. i was mentally and physically exhausted, and was quite snappy. then, came last saturday where we have some event and i swear i was so dead-brained that i dun think i make an intelligent company foe some. i got back home, 1 goal in mind: SLEEP. however...i just cant. sooooo damn tired that my body now refuses to sleep..got some meds, and by 12 midnight only i managed to shut my brain down and dead to the world...sighhhhhh.

and woke up at 2pm the next day.

hahahahahahahaha...i thought it was around 10 o something...but it was 2...MG!!! hahahaha

owh...did i mention..my sis n her family went on a holiday, and i got the house all fr myself??? YESSS. but not all's fun though. it's just me, the tv and the mess left behind :(. yesterday was okay since i woke up sooo late, so just lazing around. got some laundry done, and cooked my brekkie+lunchie+dinner at 1 go...ate at 5pm. then continue with tv, and some other laundry.

last night couldnt sleep well. maybe coz i already slept for more than 12 hours before...

and here i am now...back to what i do best...wasting time lolz :D

till next entry....

Tatta!

All alone again....

2009-05-31T20:51:00.000-07:00

welloa...

today marks da day i started bein alone again at work. my colleague, katy, has finished her contract at my company last week. so, here i am now...well, maybe not exactly alone; there are others from the other company...but it's not the same.

huhuhu...

Weekend - What To Do????

2009-05-29T22:13:00.000-07:00

well hello again.....

it's officially weekend; it's saturday...and the start of school holiday... AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO OR WHERE TO GO!!!!! now stuck numbly in the office...really have no idea on my next move. my frens all not in town...my reliable nephew is busy at his school...my lil sis not yet here... wanna go shopping...just not in the mood. yesterday already bought a gladdys that i wanted for so long :D...so....... feels so like screaminggggggggg

arghhhhhh!!! grrrrrr!!!!

2009-05-27T19:17:00.001-07:00

arghhh!!! im so...grrrr!!! now, damage control full throttle! gaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!!!!

first it was him, still okay as it's a auto-tech setup...now the other...why me?????? i'm not even with you!!!!

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh

Still not well....sighhh

2009-05-27T17:48:00.000-07:00

hi again...

gee..im not sure this blog of mine got any visitors or not...but it's okay. but if you are reading this, do leave a comment or anything ;) hahaha.

anyways...yes, as the subject says...i'm still sick. though it's not the poisoning thingy, but rather that monthly pain-in-the-tummy girls have to endure. yes, that kind of pain, which happens to be reeaaaaal bi*chy most times. so, i spent yesterday in my absolute hell on earth. but my trained poker face must make me looked o-kay.

and yesterday also got some internet thingy problem. somehow the connection to any other page is just CANNOT, only to my company's page accessible. hmmmm...even google cannot. hence the delayed post ahaha.

so, that's pretty much yesterday.

Tatta!

i miss my lil sis....

2009-05-25T21:59:00.000-07:00

just spoken with my lil sis. she's having her mid-term exam at a boarding school up north. difficult, tear-worthy paper, she said. hahaha. make me remember my own school days...ahhh...those were the days...i can still remember how i love english classes, and despised chemist...or would play hooky when it comes to literature...lol. owhh...i am one of the lurking-behind-poker-face-goody-two-shoes troublemaker. often didnt finish whatever homework given, skip classes or even school, and when it comes to math (or anything with numb3rs...) i flunk. big time. hahahaha. used to copy for my frens works. and they let me...momento memoir...

lil sis...yea...lil miss anvila. one of my golf-balls. funny that i couldn't, for the sake of my life, recall the time we spent together growing up. she started her years at MRSM at form1, which'll make me in my form6/1, just after my SPM. we spent the years prior together, but i couldn't recall any. all i can remamber is that we fight. a lot. all the time. there's always some issues to argue about. but not all quarrel are bitter. some are just a silly argument, just to fill time, and requirement as sisters.

now, thinking about those days...make me appreciate us more. i mean, admittedly (to me at least) she's the closest to me, among other siblings. yes, i'm staying with an older, married sis now, but i can say that we barely had hundred words exchange between us on a daily basis. we stay in one place, work at the same place, go for meals together sometimes, but...the communication sometimes doen't exist. pathetic right? not that i'm blaming anyone. it's a collective fault, if any.

my lil sis...we have issues that brought us together, bonded us over. mostly about the other golf-balls. but, me, as the older one, i couln't really confide in her my darkest over darkest of secrets; and me? i have plenty of them.

so anyway...i miss my lil sis. she's coming for the golidays. gonna plan some outing together. gleeee

TAtta!

all because of an expired sachets of nescafe.....

2009-05-25T21:26:00.000-07:00

hello...

guess what? in a bit of food poisoning. by consuming nescafe. expired one. 2 sachets. no wonder i'm so out of it yesterday hahaha. story is..(or rather, was) there's nothing else at the pantry except nescafe, so, i break my coffee-ban and made some hot cafe for meself. i didnt notice anything, yea, it's a bit bitter than i last taste it, but that was what i thought. an hour or so after that, i began feeling 'off'...like a bit of dizzy...and my body's so hot. my tummy also queasy. it was way into the end of office hours that my sis told me that the nescafe has passed it's expired date. and guess what? it's on aug lat year. erghhhhhh. she knew it, and she knows i'm making the drink. why oh why la she didnt warned me earlier??????? evil sister...

it's very fortunate that it didnt get worse...or that she did told me before i make another mug...the queasiness...urghhhh

Sunday

2009-05-24T03:33:00.000-07:00

so it's sunday... spending the day inside, not goin anywhere... was just dozing off...but couldn't really nap...the brain was too active to really rest properly...sighhhh

to many things kept me thinkin really...it's all about life...what else is there right??? one thing keep me wondering; is the any world paralleled to this one we're living? i read some manga (a source that cannot be trusted hahaha) and it's about the main character got thrown into the paralel world where the people are the same, but different at the same time. it's hard to explain...but it definitely got me thinkin...gotta check tomorrow.

have you ever wish for something you know you can never get? whatever the thing is? and how frustrated you'll become...well, iu have...all the time... why am i saying this? no reason really. heh. just something crossed my mind just now, and my faithful fingers just typed them down. erghh.

well..im off for now. gotta find my muse back.

Tatta!

STFU!!!

2009-05-23T02:54:00.000-07:00

yea, im in angry mode...

some people just dun geddit dun they???? i said i dun wanna, so it means I DONT WANT TO!! yet they keep pursuing, ruining my mood. im on my weekend-mood, i wanna stay home, not interested in goin anywhere, so SHUT THE F*** UP!!! and get out of my air!!!

that's one thing. another; those who keep tryin to get my attention, i.e, keep callin me...textin me... I NEED MY SPACE TO BREATHE YOU F*****!!!!

now, gotta cool down...

Between idle and blank minded

2009-05-21T20:24:00.000-07:00

hey again...

was just reading some reviews for some manga...got a few new titles that captured my interest. but, i dun think i'll ever find it here though. they used to be easy to find @ kinokuniya, but for some reason, the paowers that be in Kino decided no more yaoi manga. sighhh... so now i'm thinkin of ways to get those titles, maybe borders have them, no? gonna go survey >:)

talkin about manga, i've been re-reading Yellow for the hundreth time last night. what can i say... i love Taki and Goh so much. never got tired of them. went to June Manga site, but didn't have any reviews for Yellow. duhh... maybe i should submit one hmmm... i think i might just do that hahaha.

i really need to get more active and productive. rather than lazing around lol. added some unwanted kilos since i dunno when...owh the HORROR!!!!... and people say i'm too thin. helloooo...see those bulges??????.....urghhhhh

i've been struck with ideas lately, but to lazy to jot them down... or type them up since sometime they came while i'm on my PC lolz. that will result in me goin bonkers than usual hahaha.

owh yea...last night met up with a fren, after cancelling another meeting with other frens. evil and selfish me eyhh...

till next entry...tatta!

Muse and plot-bunny

2009-05-20T18:50:00.000-07:00

so i was a writer... i write stories and poem... until the idea left me hangin half way. many of my stories are unfinished, and try as hard i can, the idea won't be coming back. in fact, new idea for new story comin blasting through...and i just have to get it out of my head. thus the old ones go straight into the 'unfin fic box'. darn!!

that's why i mainly wrote poems. coz it easier and shorter, and i don't have to worry if it stops halfway, seems okay anyway. the idea behing the poem usually will based on my own self and life, with those around me. sometimes, i'll cross the idea with whatever it is i'm watching on tv or reading at the moment, and most time, it seems so relavant (with myself).

and yes, freak that i am, i'm more into slash stories, rather than het. why? well...my 'freak' mind prefer that kind of story. plot-bunnies were jumping around with ideas for that kind of stories, that sometimes i fear my mental would be corrupted forever. i think i am cursed like that...sigh...

right now i'm on my latest fic, a story based on a tv show. i've been reading many stories on that subject lately, and am struck with some ideas. lesse if i can get it done properly this time. wish me luck!

till next entry. tatta!

Just struck by the muse...

2009-05-20T18:42:00.000-07:00

hello again whoever you are... ;)

last night while i was resting after a day's work, the muse came visiting. and gave me some idea...or more likely...woke me up from a lond writer's block. might not be poetic, or beautiful enough...but i like it. so...yea...

here ya go...oh..it's in malay :)

dalam keheningan malam
termangu aku sendirian
mencari jawapan
persoalan yang merasuk minda
jiwa kosong dan sunyi
sakitnya terasa kesepian ini
dimana penawar duka
kasih muncul dan menghilang
teman datang dan pergi
satu persatu silih berganti
tiada abadi

it's been ages since i last wrote a malay poem...hahaha. might add some more lines to it, should the muse come visiting again.

I

2009-05-19T20:34:00.000-07:00

I was a girl

I was a kid

I was a teenager

I was a baby

I was a sister

I was a daughter

I was student

I was a teacher

I was a friend

I was a lover

I was a contender

I was a challenger

I was a follower

I was a leader

I was a breaker

I was a fixer

I was a listener

I was a seeker

I was younger

I was wiser

I was naïve

I was aware

I was a believer

I was a liar

I was eager

I was edgy

I was bitter

I was mellower

I was afraid

I was braver

I was a traveler

I was a resident

I was a dreamer

I was uncertain

Giving up

2009-05-19T20:32:00.000-07:00

Giving up on life

There’s no way out

The trouble I’m in

Suffocating me inside

Pulling me deeper

Deeper into the darkness

Tears has stopped, blood had dried

Heart still beating, but I’ve got no feeling

No light, no way out

I’m reaching out to emptiness

Empty air

All alone

No savior, no knight in shining armor

Where’s love, where’s life

I’m empty, I’m broken

I’m sick of waiting

Waiting for nothing

Nothing that cares

Suffocation, no air

Darkness, no light

I’m giving up,

I’m out…

-Originally 2008-

Rain, rain go away...

2009-05-19T02:12:00.000-07:00

it's rainin...arghhhh...

yea, pretty hot day..but i wanna go someplace after this, but now canceled already. darn!

on the bright side...if it keep rainin till night, might have a lovely shut-eye. lately it's been so hot, even at night with the fan/aircond on. cue global-warmin...

Fragile Glass I Called Life

2009-05-18T23:51:00.000-07:00

Step by step

Little by little

Slowly I moved

As light as I can be

I’m treading on my way

Step by step ever so slow

My world is a fragile glass

Threaten to break at the smallest pressure

Carefully I treaded

Not wanting it to break

The road is blurry

Like a fogged glass

I’m uncertain of what lays ahead

I planned my journey, but the journey was always insecure

I planned my life, but life always surprised me

I believed in fate, but fate seldom in my side

I believed in me, but I’m afraid of myself

I know they’re close, but not close enough to truly see

I know everything is fragile, and I’m afraid of everything being broken

Because then, I’ll be exposed, cut, and hurting

Step by step

I walked down the delicate glass of life

Little by little

I treaded down my hazy journey

Remembering a fraction of my past

Seeing a glimpse of the future

Watching the present moving around me

Wishing I’m a bit stronger

Wishing I’m a bit tougher

Slow day...

2009-05-18T23:25:00.000-07:00

another slow day for me...real bored. that's the main reason i created the blog. so i ahve some place i can shout-out my boredom-ness to...haha. that aside, i also need a place where i can roam freely, put my thoughts into words, pour my heart out, blalalala.

so...i'm not sure i'll have any follower to my blog...would be lovely if i do have lol. m gonna update whatever time i want so....yeah...

till next entry...tata!

Welcome!!!!!

2009-05-18T22:39:00.000-07:00

ahhahahaha...at last, got myself a blog, instead of a full domain.

Just a beginning...

2009-05-18T21:51:00.001-07:00

testing account - blogger blogspot